a loved one

ah ma passed away today. aunt said she left peacefully and i really hope it was true.

it was devastating to see her at her place. i couldnt stop crying. she was my grandmother and i loved her.



in the past, ah ma would come over to our place for dinner on sundays. this petite lady always brought along with her the big and heavy paper bag, with the handles tied together with a piece of hankerchief. she would give my brother and i each a red packet containing $6 and my sis $2 everytime she visited.

my mum always make her milo when she arrived. i made her the drink sometimes - 2 tablespoons of milo powder and 1/2 tablespoon of condense milk, and the cup filled to the brim with hot water.

i remember she liked curry cause my mum is always cooking that on sundays. when there was leftover curry, it would be used for dipping bread for breakfast the next morning.

there was a language barrier between her and us, the grandchildren. she spoke in dialect and we spoke in mandarin so it was hard for us to communicate. The usuals were: "ma hello!" "ma jia!" "ma bye bye!" "ma man man g(ng)ia!"

ma was always against my father beating us. she would tell him to talk to us instead.

she always looked beautiful. her hair was always neatly combed and her face powered. she always check herself in the mirror before going home.

ma's health deteriorated over these years. she had difficulty walking and there were times when she felt breathless. hence she visited us less and less till she stopped coming.

there was one chaotic period when she started to get the dates mixed up. everybody told her but it was of no use. after some time, there was no talking about dates. my parents said that she was getting a little senile.

my father would visit her daily. he urged us to go but we were so involved in our own lives that we neglected her. the last time i visited her was on 20oct.

"yong ar.." and she motioned her hand to signal for me to go closer.



i'm so sorry ma.

i miss you.

you were very beautiful